Your blog is inexcusable.

I spent a couple of days in the airport recently. I flew to Chicago, stayed in a four star hotel in the prime near-Michigan ave. location, sat front row at Wrigley and flew back to LA the next day.
My flight back to LAX was delayed about three hours, which is par for the course when it comes to me and O'Hare on the way to LAX. I thought the fates were torturing me the first time I flew to CA from O'Hare. I had to stay in the damn airport for over six hours trying to get a seat assignment on a flight to LA. Luckily, I had my portable CD player with Pavement in it. Note; Pavement was still a band back then! No Stephen Malkmus, I don't even think I knew that name yet! Back to this trip. So, I'm delayed 3 hours, which eats a big whole in my plans and now I'm sitting around with nothing to do. So I hit the "Hudson News" which sells magazines and books. I can usually burn through a magazine in much less than 3 hours, so I needed a book. We all know what a damn crapshoot it is to find a good book in an airport. You're sitting there looking at a bunch of suspenseful bestsellers one minute, and you walk out well on your way to being a lifelong john sandford, carl hiaasen, or james patterson fan. This time, I settled with a novel called "Night Probe" by Clive Cussler. I picked it partially on the grounds that it is quite possible the most dubiously titled novel of all time. The treasures only mulitply when you realize that it was published in 1981, which does NOT stop it from taking place in 1989. 1981's view of 1989 is pretty hilarious. Quebec is fighting for independence, and has allied themselves with the Russians. All of North America is in jeopardy, you don't need me to tell you that.
I think I bore my father with my high level of country bumpkin-ness. 8 years in CA and 4 of those years in a University should refine a young man, after all! Instead, I am like a child when I enter a 4 star hotel. I use the robe. Do you guys use the robe when you stay in a hotel? I found myself thinking, "I need to re-structure my life so that I have a lot of leisure time after my showers, necessitating the use of a robe." This is foolish. There is no need to shape the structure of your life to accomodate previously unknown luxuries. I asked myself, "what do I need to do while i'm in a robe that would require my robe having pockets!?!?" I countered with, "What would I need pockets for that is so all-fired important that it would justify changing out of my robe and into something with pockets?!?!"

Sherman Oaks, bastion of Scientology.

"the only three things I care about in this goddamn world are me, my drums, and... you."

Before everybody goes off half-cocked thinking that my schtick is dissing legendary classic rock acts, I have to say that there is a lot of good music out there. Particularly current music. With new ish from Nas, My Morning Jacket, Stephen Malkmus (maybe I can't still count this as new), Dr. Dog, Beck, and the Hold Steady we are spoiled. And each one of these artists is in the midst of some artistic rennaissance. Not to say that their previous albums were Dark Ages, I just couldn't think of the word that means fresh and inventive, but without following a period of artistic void. "The Ark" by Dr. Dog is absolutely brilliant. Beck's album seems to be very good. It's all in the vibe of the record, because Beck hasn't really changed up his melodies for the last three albums. And his lyrics are hard to understand, so I have to read them out of the liner notes, big deal. Despite the fact that "Highly Suspicious" just set the record for most necessary song to skip ever, My Morning Jacket's new album is dope. These guys are weird, cuz they simultaneously exhibit tastemanship and then follow it up with songs that make me pucker my face up like Rene Zellwiger. ("Who the f#*& is rene zellwiger!?") The best lyrics go to Dr. Dog. They edge out the Hold Steady because their lyrics can be more easily digested without a level of ironic removal. The Hold Steady get there too... through ironic removal... I dunno, too hard to explain. I haven't actually heard Nas yet, I just assume it's dope cuz Hip Hop is Dead was awesome and because this one is so controversial, surely Nas is makin' points. Ratatat, despite all my previous beliefs, is a pretty cool band. They go for a Pink Floyd head-trip on their newest album, and I find it pretty tasty. It is good stuff to listen to while you are reading. Especially if you are reading a j-book. Like Thor by Straczynksi. Big deal I probably didn't spell that right. It's a blog. Most people probably assume I'm 14 years old. I shouldn't know how to spell right. The American public schools are to blame.

I think I'm going to drink a whiskey and coke.

I got no J-books this week. I agree with the Dr's scientific evaluation, Black Panther is pretty good. Would I read this and be excited about it if it weren't by Jason Aaron? No way. But I am glad to find that Jason Aaron writes this J with a different style than he writes Ghost Rider. If he just brought that intensity and pacing to all his J's, I'd think he was a hack. Turns out that he can write a much different style with the discussions amongst the two adversaries (Black Panther talks to his crew, while the Skrull talks to his crew). It's kinda like an episode of Star Trek or whatever, but it showcases that Jason Aaron is not a hack. It leads me also to believe that he crafted and puts on the style of Ghost Rider, which returns me to that J with renewed vigor. Have I yet bitched and moaned that the new Conan is not "bold" and "new" at all? They merely slapped a cool Joe Kubert cover on it and re-started the number. Inside is the same boring Dark Horse Conan crap they've been grinding that series to a halt with for the last 30 issues. Bad J. Captain America is awesome, even if Brubaker is treading water. Sure, lots of cool shit happens in each new J, but the serious progression of the main stories progresses like a soap opera (again, is this how j-books are supposed to be!?). Wolverine is okay. Have I yet mentioned how the first issue is exactly like 3:10 to Yuma?

I hope I can still find a girlfriend after writing a dumb-ass blog like this. Speaking of... maybe I will post some news on that very subject (if mysteriously and in the Legends of the Garrison 3rd person voice). I may need advice and the only person who can give me the advice I want to hear has become celibate for some very foolish reasons. I'm not sure if I can trust his friendly advice at all.

Led Zeppelin destroyed rock and roll. And themselves.

Listen to "All of my Love." Pay particular attention to the keyboard solo (followed by an acoustic guitar/keyboard duet, then some like baroque shit, I think). If you get to this point in the song and can still manage conscious awareness of the music, you will discover that it is an absolutely tasteless inclusion. We can all stop calling rock songs over 7 minutes "Odyssies" and admit to ourselves that they really reveal a lack of creativity and taste. Led Zeppelin 1 is NOT a good album. "All of my Love" (not a song from LZ1) is a good two minute song, but the members of Led Zep do not do us the courtesy of keeping the track down to that length. Instead they stretch it out forever to fill out the 12 inches of vinyl that they made a career out of purveying to drunken 70's rockers. None of the members of LZ did anything worthwhile after the band disintegrated (unless you are a boffin who thinks that infinite Guitar World interviews counts as 'worthwhile'). Sure, I said this in mixed company and some responded, "Robert Plant has a new one. With Allison Krauss. I LIKE Allison Krauss!" "Yeah, me too." But when should a rocker have to justify an album by who they are teaming with? Yeah, Ray Charles has a good song... with Elton John, I like Elton John. No. True legends never die and they don't need to team with current-era artists to stay relevant. I will admit, that new Robert Plant is a good album. If you are 45. And you are hosting a dinner party.

When I was a kid my favorite 2 cd's were "Fly Like An Eagle" and "Band of Gypsies." I f-ing HATE jimi hendrix. You couldn't pay me to listen to Electric Lady Land beginning to finish. Well, for a thousand dollars I'd do it. And for another thousand I would chase it with "physical graffiti." Then, I'd spend the 2 thousand on booze and drown those memories forever. Anyway, I hate Hendrix, but I couldn't get enough of that live Band of Gypsies new year's album. That was after my mom forbade me from listening to rap. I was also really big into Motown. I had the 6-casette Motown Legends series. There is nothing like Motown. There will never be anything as big as Motown. When has there been a time where there was a record label that was also a genre unto itself? Who produced as many hits? And they didn't have an artist or two they promoted. They had a full-fledged army.

Speaking of armies. Anybody who's been deceptive knows something. If you need somebody to make a decision the best thing to do is present that decision to them in a much more complex agenda. Let them strip down that complex agenda into something simpler. If you are skillful they will strip this down into doing the signle thing that you wanted them to do in the first place. Now the individual you are deceiving thinks that they thought up the idea themself, and they feel great about it. Not at all like they are doing you a favor. (Yeah, being a salesman is getting to my head, big deal).
I wonder if this is what the American political system does. Washingtong is NOT full of fools. (I'm expecting objections here but I think I can handle those). They wouldn't carelessly put a moron like Bush in office without some more necessary desire ( i don't know... maybe like making a whole bunch of money, starting a couple wars, making a whole bunch more money... sinking parts of the country into economic disaster, letting the coastal liberals bear some of the brunt, watch the money change hands, and do nothing). I think it's possible that Bush himself sat in a room with some trusted supporters and agreed that he would be a hated president in order to achieve some things for him and his people. What is our reward? They create Barack Obama and give us him. He will be the president people like. Lord knows what they will do while we celebrate and cheer. Maybe I just ingested to many mind-altering substances, but I fear that the presidential campaigns are merely a stage production that allows the real power moves to occur backstage. Somehow we spend 8 years hating Bush, and can sort of accept the destruction the world suffers, because hey, I hated Bush, it was the only thing I could do...

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